I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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