Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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