I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
