my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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