I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
