Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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