her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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