Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
