if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
