i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize