I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
