i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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