i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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