I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize