This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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