I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
