Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
