Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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