I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
