We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
