I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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