i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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