wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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