after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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