I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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