look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
