somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
