She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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