I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
