What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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