You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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