is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
