i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We have started to decorate penises.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
