I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
