A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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