You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i think i just lost a toe
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