C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
