Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
