final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
