Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
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he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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