dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
