Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize