Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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