im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
