i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
