Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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