Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
