They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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