WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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