I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
