my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am spending my child support on dildos
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm having to shit out rocks
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
