There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
