Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
