I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
