It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
