why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
