the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize