I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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