I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
