the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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