So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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