Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
