I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
