you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
