my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
