farters have to be the big spoon...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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