Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
