I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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