need another drink. this is the easiest way
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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