it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
